It’s not the process, it’s the outcome that worries me

I’ve been writing at least one weekly blog post since September 9th and the thing that I’ve found most difficult isn’t coming up with a concept, point of view or ideal to articulate.

The thing that I struggle with most is getting over my own fears.

While creativity is one of my strongest attributes, writing isn’t. In fact, I struggled with writing and articulation through most of my education. I’ve improved over the years, but knowing this is not a strength causes fear.

When you’re good at something it’s easy to share it with the world and show them how great you are. When you feel like you’re not, well, we all know that feeling.

So I press on, because the only way to improve at something is to do it. This then leads to another fear I have: what happens if someone disagrees with me?

It sounds silly, I know. No matter what you say or believe, you’ll never get 100% of your audience to agree. Trying to do so is a fool’s errand. But what if I neglected to properly explore the other side of an argument or idea?

A key aspect of who I am is that I’m able to use my creativity to look at a subject from all sides and articulate an idea that I feel is appropriate. This doesn’t mean I’m going to sit on the fence. Not a chance. It just means that before making a statement, I need to know I’ve explored it in full.

Which means I could change my mind, or evolve my position on a subject. Which means something I write about in 2017 may be different in 2018 or 2019. How will a readers view this change? Will they see me as someone with no backbone, or will them see me as a lifelong learner who understands that views can change based on new information and experiences?

I hope it’s the latter. And if it’s not, it’s likely I wouldn’t get along with them anyway.

What’s the thing I fear most though? It’s that someone I know might read this. My name’s in the URL, so it’s not like I’m trying to disguise myself, but I worry how they’ll interpret my words.

I don’t post any of the blog posts to my social media accounts, I haven’t told a single person I’m doing this, I’ve kept it largely hidden from view. It’s not like I’ve blocked it from search traffic, but any good digital marketer will tell you, you have to have a strong distribution strategy to fill the top of the funnel.

For now, I intend to keep it (mostly) hidden. When I’m more comfortable in this skin, I’ll begin to share it more widely. And I’m sure that will help me overcome some of these fears, just in time for new ones to arise.

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